Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize