I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
