Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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