Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
