Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
