found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
