I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
