The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
