I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
