no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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