Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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