I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
