If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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