I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
