we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
