woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
