I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
