I cut my penus on the lid.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
