We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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