I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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