doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
