Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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