It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
