connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
