Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
