I am spending my child support on dildos
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
