have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
