Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
