I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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