bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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