Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
