I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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