Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize