If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
