Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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