Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
