I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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