i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
