Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
bring money and cleavage
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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