I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
