It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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