My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
