The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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