awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
