He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
