happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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