you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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