no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
