im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
