I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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