yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
