i think i have two assholes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
