I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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