I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need moral support for this bender
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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