Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
