So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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