I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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