nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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