id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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