I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Holy shit dude........stairs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
