He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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