my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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