I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
