ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
