Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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