I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I stole a fireplace last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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