Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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