I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
