Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
