That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i now understand why vodka
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
