grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
