just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
