do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
