No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
