Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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