I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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