I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
