It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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