He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your cock deserves a montage
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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