I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
