Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
