Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
