shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
