dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
