JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
