did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
