Can Purell be used as lube?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
