Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize