why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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